One of the things I find most unattractive is lack of ambition. If someone has no job, is not going to school, doesn’t have a car etc. then I don’t have much interest in having any kind of relationship with that person. I like people who know what they want and are on the path to getting it. Independence is also a must. If any guy comes on too strong or forceful, I am also immediately turned off by such behavior.
At first glance with pre-interaction cues my boyfriend does not seem like my ‘type’. When I first met him (we worked together) I judged him based on these pre-interaction cues and did not think I would ever have any type of relationship with him. His style of dress was different than other guys I dated and he was not in school at the time (but he was working two jobs). But then after getting to know him, I found out that he did have goals and he was a very unique person, which attracted me to him. Now he is in school and is definitely on the right path to getting what he wants in life.
Duck’s relational dissolution model does make sense, however it does not relate to my past relationship. I think this model is very basic and on the surface because I can understand these phases yet I think there is much more detail that goes on between them. With my past relationship, I noticed many problems during the intrapsychic phase and was unhappy but my boyfriend at the time and I never made it to the dyadic phase to confront these problems; we tried to act like they did not exist and ended up being in the relationship for much longer than we should have. Duck’s model is of an ideal relationship but unfortunately they don’t all work that way in real life.
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