It was interesting to read about these patterns because as I was doing so, I was able to immediately relate a relationship in my life to each one. I would say I am a dominant person who usually likes to be in control and my boyfriend is more laid back and easy going so we have a complementary pattern. But sometimes, I wish he would step up and plan things or take more responsibility and I get tired of being in charge, which then causes the rigid complementary pattern.
The competitive symmetrical pattern is apparent in my relationship with my best friend. We are very similar and both like being dominant and in control. We are constantly trying to “one-up” each other and we each like being the center of attention. We have a silent competition going between us for just about everything that can sometimes cause arguments between us but for the most part, we still manage to be best friends!
I think it is most difficult for a dominant person to change. It is hard to sit back and let someone else take control when you would much rather do it your own way. I also think a rigid complementary pattern can be most damaging to a relationship because the submissive person can begin to feel pushed around and taken for granted by the dominant one. A dominant person can also easily damage a submissive person’s self-esteem by making him or her feel useless.
Hello CrushedVelvet,
ReplyDeleteThe relationship between you and your boyfriend sounds exactly like the relationship between my husband and me. Like you, I am definitely the dominant person in the relationship and have no problem asserting my dominance; but, occasionally, I would like to see my husband take charge and make decisions for us so that I could take a break from making decisions. I think part of the reason why I feel that way more than ever is because in my current job, I am in a management position and I am expected to make decisions all the time, so it would be really nice if in my home life, someone else could make the decisions for me.
Hi ladies,
ReplyDeleteI think it's funny that most of the women blogging have said that they are the dominant ones in the relationship... I feel the same way. My boyfriend and I have just established that I am the one who is always one step ahead and I'm fine with making the decisions. He used to be really submissive, mainly because it was convenient that I handled everything. Then I happened to enter a rough patch in my life and became a little depressed with stress level and he really stepped it up and started taking more control with helping me make decisions with my life when I was too stressed out to think clearly. It was then that I realized he wasn't permanently submissive and that we do have a balance when one or the other is in need of help.
I think it takes a hard time to see if the submissive person is doing their part for the relationship to (and if the dominant person is allowing them to do so).